2015

#42) Feb. 14 "Saint Valentine's Day"

On this day of love, let’s not forget

That Al Capone did not regret

To his moll he did ask her

Sick of flowers, how ‘bout a massacre?




Review:  After New Year's Eve's WWF-like atmosphere, what better time to have a follow-up dance party than on the day of love. Tempers were definitely much more sedate this time around. Fortunately, the guests were bursting with energy and the party itself was, to quote one of the guests, "Best DP ever!!!"

Apart from the three hours of amazing love tunes, party-goers were also treated to a Keep-My-Cherry-Or-Lose-My-Cherry game (with fabulous gift giveaways and a lesson on the art of the deal), warm love squirts that dribbled down more than one chin, some wooden-spooned spanks and nipple manipulation, and heart-framed love lyrics that quickly turned into a karaoke disaster.

All guests were sporting heart-ons, a conga line was formed, and a culinary catastrophe nearly occurred when the hostess discovered a hint of red in the dip. Fortunately, it was just the powder from the fantastically-flavoured ketchup Doritos (available for a limited time only.)

Sounds like the party of the century??? Wait. There's more:

Some solid gold dancers stopped in for a quick routine, but it was the impromptu visit of The Shirelles that really rocked the house and Finnigan Winnigan reminded us that a good heart these days is hard to find though quite a few were found in our bras the next day. Needless to say, this party out-partied so many of the other parties.

Best line: "There's a hole in my glove" (sung to the tune of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love")

#43) April 18  "Tropical Summer Beach Vacation"  If you like Pina Coladas, grab your itsy bitsy teenie weenie and join us on the Parquet beach as we search for that lost shaker of salt. 

Review: Waking up in a somewhat drunken fog can only mean thing...last night's dance party was a smash success.

Based on the photographic evidence, the highlights of the evening appear to have been the following: samosas, lollipops, chocolate shooters, socks with sandals, sunglasses after dark...and, oh yeah, the return of the giant cock.  The décor had a definite She Sells Seashells motif happening...but, on the plus side, no sand between our toes.

If memory serves correct, I believe there was another episode of Dr. Phil taking place in the kitchen as relationship issues were discussed.  Female attendance was up by 50% and there was plenty of Lady-lovin’ happening on the dance floor! Unfortunately, the male population at these events has yet to increase.

As for the Summer Tropical Beach music, no one's quite certain if it was a hit or not...but the post-party CHOM party was definitely a crowd pleaser.. Cow bells, air guitar solos, a Mick Jagger wannabe strutting around to everything but a Stones song...and, of course, that wonderfully choreographed Coulda-Been-A-Lady dance routine.

When it came to beach bag essentials – A rosary, magnifying glass, and a box of Rice-a-Roni were this season’s must haves.

The party went past the witching hour and high-priced taxi rides home were required. Oh, well! No pharmaceuticals this week!  It should also be noted that Miss L. was actually there for the opening song...a dance party first!  And how could we forget that great Holiday Road moment, where red Twizzlers were snatched up quicker than new-born baby turtles attempting to make it out to sea.

Fisticuffs were not an issue at this soiree...however, Lady J. did shoot a menacing glare when somebody took the purple lollipop.  Oh, well! C'est la vie!

Hit song of the night: “Sunglasses at night”
Best line exchange of the night:
“Expired condoms?”
“Yes, for the manipulative woman”
“And thank you for the business”

Honourable mention: “I want to Pina your Colada”

#44)  June 21 "We're not losers so... "
Wait, what? A dance party on a Sunday afternoon? We are a crazy bunch of mo fo's

 

Review: Turns out we are losers...and one guest ended up falling into the well with a resounding splash (cash-wise anyway) But when it came to beverages, chips, and tunes...we were all winners!
Merlocola, 3D bacon-cheddar Doritos, and a bevy of rarely-heard songs obviously make an excellent combination.  And those earrings! Did you see those earrings???

Hit song of the afternoon: The last three

#45.1)  July 4 "The Shusher!" 

#45.2) July 4 "Christmas in July" 




 

Review: This party certainly lived up to its name...because it wasn't long after it started that we were all shushed. Only this time, the shusher got shushed herself with an assortment of (made-in-China?) lollipop shhh cards. The bathrobed belle was untamable as one hit tune after another blasted forth from the speakers.

The food and beverages were nothing out of the ordinary this time around, but the surprise-twist theme of Christmas in July was a major success. Giddy gals galloped with glee when they saw the glittery gifts galore. Some couldn't keep their eyes off the presents all night, as they anxiously wondered if they were actually going to be allowed to keep them once they were opened. The answer, of course, was yes. And what AMAZING presents they were! Even the VHS induced cries of "oohs" and "ahhs". And all that jewelry!!! It was like being at Birks. Even Santa was treated to a gift...except, when he looked into his bag, his first thought was "I got a rock!"...but, no, it was a can of delicious stuffed vine leaves, imported all the way from Turkey (which I guess was in keeping with the whole spirit of things...turkey, Christmas, get it?)

For whatever reason, the Pepito-popping party people pooped out early and the soiree wrapped up sooner than usual...must have been all that un-wrapping prior that fatigued them. Nonetheless, this melancholic Merlocola-toting monsieur was moved to mirth and merry-making. He just didn't like having to lug his luggage home with him!

Hit song of the night: “The Night Chicago Died”
Best line of the night: "Is that ABBA?"

#46) Aug. 29 "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" 

Champagne wishes and caviar dreams?
How's about Pepito Blanca and Lay's Low Sodium chips?

Review: Oil tycoons, foreign princesses, bejeweled Prima Donnas, and one-time A-list actors all came together for a night of exquisite dining and social interaction. It was definitely a night of glitz and glamour. Even the maid was bedecked in pearls! And did we mention the fabulous gift give-aways: a tropical vacation, a weekend in Paris, precious stones, a Febergé egg...the list goes on and on. This party definitely catered to the upper class and put the hoity in hoity-toity! Imported rum was flown in especially for the occasion...And like all good get-togethers, an appearance was made by "The Hung and the Restless", who just couldn't keep his hot tuckus off the silicone chest of one eager invite. It was divine decadence, reminiscent of brunch at Caligula's place. Needless to say, another successful dance sensation! And that post-party tape! Seriously, I hadn't heard that many oohs and ahhs, since the breast-twerking incident just fifteen minutes earlier!

Hit song of the night: “Cocaine”
Best lines of the night: "Oh look, the cowboy is boinking the Indian"
"Sir,  they're on your head"

#47) October 24 "Soundtrack" 
Finally!!






Review: Hockey, straight dudes, people sitting down left and right...What the hell was this? 
Wing night at La Cage Aux Sports?

Fortunately, after what was shaping up to be the worst dance party ever, guests finally moved into the living room when Side 4 of the night was put on...and thanks to the amazing post-party tape and a rollicking sing-a-long/hump-a-thon to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (or Titty Titty Bang Bang as it will forever now be remembered), the party did elevate itself to almost-wow status. Even the DJ missed his final bus to continue in the reveling?

And did you ever see so many chips in all of your life? It's a good thing Scully was there to keep things under control...or there would have been mayhem. Mayhem, I tells ya!!!

Although, on two different occasions, this party-person heard talk of ordering pizza...only it never materialized. Oh, well!

Lesson learned...never, ever push down on the hostess' head to make her suck your beer bottle. 
No, seriously! Don't!!! It's offensive, degrading, humiliating and just downright rude. But then what do gay guys know about hetero sex. Obviously, Flintbones is not a How-To Video. 

Hit song of the night: “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”
Best line of the night: During 10cc's I'm not in love "This song always reminds me of Jaws"

#48) December 9 "We're Not Losers: Redux" 
Impromptu, unplanned and smoke meat fueled!
What began as a boozey cheesey movie event quickly became a blue card shuffling, photo-mat flipping, gambling frenzy rarely seen outside the dimly lit back rooms of Chinatown!

Hit song of the night: “Ant Music”
Best line of the night: "We'll pay you back next week"

#49) December 31 "New Year's Eve: Little bit of this, a little bit of that" 
Review:  Due to our in-house DJ feeling a little under the weather, the sexual hijinx were kept at a minimum. Yes there was a frenzied spooning session however the only hooters that got any real action were the ones from the dollar store. Champagne flowed, the new year was rung in, albeit an hour and a half before midnight.  The lyrics game was a huge success, mainly because there was no bloodshed. So with bellies full of sausage rolls, vine leaves and Rolaids we bid adieu to 2015.

Hit song of the night: "The Twist" joined the usual suspects “Cecilia” & "Love Hurts"
Best line of the night: "What's that?" "What is it?" "Hey watcha got there?" "Bugles!"

Comment: "One hell of a dance party! I loved the music, loved the food...the only downside was the lyric game with no prizes! Where were the prizes? Peace out, V" on January 2, 2016